Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
