Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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