From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
