I looked at my own cervix.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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