I hate your face
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
