I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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