tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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