is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
