i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
