I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
