I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
