He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
