I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
