The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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