Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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