I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
