I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
