Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
