Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i think i just lost a toe
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
