my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
