I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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