There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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