I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
