Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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