just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
