I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
