Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
