he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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