We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
