Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
