i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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