New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My vagina is very pro this idea
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