Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
