just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
