i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
home. puking in laundry basket.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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