I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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