GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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