i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
