I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
