Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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