Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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