I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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