We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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