Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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