I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
