I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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