nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
