i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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