i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
