so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
