I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
