I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
