and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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