I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
