Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Two words: nipple clamps
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