She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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