all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize