yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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