its not stalking. its research.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
