I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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