I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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