That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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