Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
