he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
