if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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