sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
