I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
