i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
