First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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