I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
