I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want her autograph on my taint
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
