Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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