You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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