I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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