I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
