I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
