shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
