So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
