His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
